Los comentarios de los miembros:

= don't translate
Anne Marie Oprea
[08.Dec.08 12:27]
my sensation is that you translated this text from romanian into english. it might help you to think the text entirely in english, and then put it on the paper.

"Bath me with the rain that falls from your eyes" - usually becomes: "falling from your eyes"
"the smell" is mostly related to BO :) so it might be a good idea to say " your perfume"
"Horrified me in sweet and delicate touch of your fingers.
Moving slowly in my body." - doesn't make sense.. are you horrified by the sweet movement of her fingers? In your body? if that's exactly what you wanted to say, then try to say "inside my body"

"I wanted to plant me on your chest" - I wanted to plant MYSELF...

and so on

= Anne,
Laurenţiu Ion
[08.Jan.09 12:53]
the author is not from Romania, but your suggestion is very good.

so, Oscar, when you try to write in a foreign language, try to think in that language. you will succeed to avoid images like
"But for more than pass the time
For more that I want to give you more".

good luck!

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= don't translate	Anne Marie Oprea [08.Dec.08 12:27]
my sensation is that you translated this text from romanian into english. it might help you to think the text entirely in english, and then put it on the paper. "Bath me with the rain that falls from your eyes" - usually becomes: "falling from your eyes" "the smell" is mostly related to BO :) so it might be a good idea to say " your perfume" "Horrified me in sweet and delicate touch of your fingers. Moving slowly in my body." - doesn't make sense.. are you horrified by the sweet movement of her fingers? In your body? if that's exactly what you wanted to say, then try to say "inside my body" "I wanted to plant me on your chest" - I wanted to plant MYSELF... and so on

= Anne,	Laurenţiu Ion [08.Jan.09 12:53]
the author is not from Romania, but your suggestion is very good. so, Oscar, when you try to write in a foreign language, try to think in that language. you will succeed to avoid images like "But for more than pass the time For more that I want to give you more". good luck!